May 14, 2014
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Taking a moment
Panic attacks are not enjoyable. These may not be them but the weight upon my chest at times and the inability to focus are tell tale signs that I am emotionally hurting.
The attacks pop up at odd times, During Simple tasks like cleaning the bathroom mirror or riding on the train and take my breath away. Yet I can run 7 miles with ease.
I was useless at work on Monday and grateful for the conference yesterday. Today I have been more productive but must be mindful otherwise I stray.
Stray to my first lost love
Stray to my last Luv.
Stray to the activities that id like to have done before family arrives on Friday.
Stray to pictures of good times and even bad (though I smile in both).
Stray to thinking it's time for something drastically new like a hair cut and dyed to red.
Stray to wanting to find something or someone to connect with but left empty when I look at my phone.
Stray to the pain in my back that has brought me to tears bc nothing I do seems to fix it.
Stray to what went wrong with Luv and and I. am I destined to be alone? Am I that horrible of a person?
Stray to future adventures like the races in the fall and tango in Argentina.
Stray to wondering what's my purpose.So I strayed. I strayed to my favorite place. In the sun, on the grass.
