I fell off the horse but I get right back on.

I'm like a boomerang; I keep coming back.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Sixes "tend to fear making important decisions, although at the same time, they resist having anyone else make decisions for them. They want to avoid being controlled, but are also afraid of taking responsibility in a way that might put them “in the line of fire.” (The old Japanese adage that says, “The blade of grass that grows too high gets chopped off” relates to this idea.)"

I make a lot of decisions on my own every day. The larger ones (or when I'm tired) are harder to make without soliciting support for. In the end I make the decision on my own because I don't like other people making decisions for me. So why do I even bother with asking for the support?

They "rely on structures, allies, beliefs, and supports outside of myself for guidance on how to survive. If suitable structures do not exist, they will help create and maintain them."

I line my clothes in a row in the closet in a rainbow fashion and then only choose from one side till I go through all the clothes. This takes the 'decision' making out of the equation when deciding what to wear that day and I will then wear everything instead of only wearing the clothes I like most. =)

So what I'm mulling over now is that I know I look to others to help with making decisions, is this something I should work toward not doing?

I'm starting to believe I am indeed a six.

Sixes ping pong or roller coaster worse than most people in that I can be both strong and weak, fearful and courageous, trusting and distrusting, defender and provoker, sweet and sour, aggressive and passive, on the defensive or offensive, thinker or doer, tender and mean, petty or generous and so on. Sixes are a bundle of opposites (always at war with themselves). This is most clear in my relationships as either very confident in the future or not confident in a lasting relationship, and expressing love or indifference, which is a killer of relationships.

My most basic fear is that I do not want to be abandoned and left without support. This is reflected in many areas of my life from money being a main motivator for which job to pursue, to not ending toxic relationships, to always asking my friends and family about a decision before making it.

When I feel I have sufficient backup I can move forward with some degree of confidence. If that were to crumble I become anxious and self-doubting which re-awakens my most basic fear.

I'm always searching for something solid and clear cut (black and white). Because of this I am constantly struggling to find firm ground. People close to me pick up on that and take it as a lack of confidence/conviction, or as stubbornness.

At times, the belief I'm holding onto explains the situation and is solid to me so once I establish a trustworthy belief, I do not question it nor do I want others to question it.

I rely on structures, allies, beliefs, and supports outside of myself for guidance on how to survive. This, I believe, can come across as needy or using others.

On the contrary, sixes are the most loyal companions and are loyal to friends, family and community (employers). I hold onto my beliefs so strongly that I will defend them to the end.

Just like sixes, I fear making important decisions but resist having anyone else make the decision for me.

I dislike being controlled and yet i am also afraid of taking responsibility such that I'm in the line of fire which shows up my desire to stay a project manager where there are less fingers pointing at me if a project slips.

All and all I lean on my significant other for support the most because I fully trust them. This produces a transfer of control to them which I inherently have issues with (being controlled) as a six so it spirals me into turmoil.

In all of this, trust is key for me and an area for growth. I have to learn to trust myself and that is where my solid grounding will come from.

The next 6 months will be difficult for sure but the reward will mean life-long happiness for me and whoever I marry.