June 2, 2014
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Revelation
Request from life coach: "Consider any times that there was conflict, that you did not feel you trusted someone, or you avoided someone/something or acquiesced."
Note What I observe:
- I am avoiding asking L to join me for the concert on Thursday night
What is the impact:
- I feel anxious at the prospect of going alone; uptight; alone
What I assume:
- That I am afraid of going someplace alone (without support)Last night I could have used clean talk but I didn't think about it in the heat of the argument.
Today, I'm doing a lot of deep breathing and thinking happy thoughts to keep neck from tensing up and to not think of argument.
I realized last night after argument that my other friends never treat me the way I have allowed L to treat me over the years. Reaffirms that I made the right decision to break things off. Friendship is a choice and I want only supportive, caring friends in my life.
I want to hold onto this thought and hold future boyfriends to similar standards that I hold friends. They treat me wrong, they are history.Last night I went to a talk on the placebo effect and they made the point over and over again that it's all in our head and our mind can make us pain free or feel more pain or happy or sad. Positive thinking works! I want more happy thoughts. Had to do that this morning to get mind off argument.
Happy thoughts - Thought about going to a concert on Thursday (did not think about how I asked two people to go with me and each have declined). Thought about going to jazz on the hill on Saturday. Thought about a meeting I have today which isn't a happy thought but neutral.
This morning was a lot of self care. I purposefully canceled my dr appt last, and didn’t notify people at work that I’d be in early, so I took the opportunity to set my alarm for 8am and sleep in since I knew I had been stressed last night. I made a smoothie for breakfast then decided the flavor wasn't going to please me so froze it and made a salad for lunch. Then realized I needed to make breakfast. Breakfast was delicious. Feels good to use produce in my fridge before it goes bad. I even did self care last night and shut the conversation/lingering argument down so I could get to bed and so I would stop spinning. I fell asleep fine. I had water dreams, which means I was afraid of something.
