June 7, 2014
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Getting out there
Last night I went to a group function where I knew no one. I realized it wasn’t too difficult to ‘go’ (I usually back out of events like this) because the Genebus dropped me off at Rockridge and then I could easily take bart to berkeley. I got there early and the hostess had no idea that the group was coming. I had some uncomfortableness when I tried to decide what to do for 30 mins while everyone else arrived. I seriously considered going home at that point. I was fidgety, afraid and uncomfortable. I was nervous that I would be the oldest person there. So I found a lounge chair in front of the dj and pulled out my book. That calmed me for the 30 mins and then i went to look for the group again. They had arrived. I didn’t know anyone but they were friendly. I was fidgety and restless and intense with trying to hear everyone in the loud bar.
I was thankful to have gone as there were many references to IU which made it kind of a weird sort of camaraderie between people I don’t know. I wasn’t the oldest person there. I smiled a lot and laughed a lot. I felt a connection with someone when we talked about all the events in SF. I let myself go a little when she took a group photo, I put my arms up for photo. I felt a little embarrassed but that passed quickly.
Consider times that there are conflict, that you did not feel you trusted someone, or you avoided someone/something or acquiesced.
- What I observe:
- I am avoiding going to run errands on my motorcycle around SF this morning
- What is the impact:
- I feel afraid
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What I assume:
- That I am afraid of going on streets that are new(ish)
- That I’m afraid of getting in an accident
- I’m afraid of fear
- My part in this:
- I’m a six???
- I chose to get a scary motorcycle
- I choose to not spend money on a zipcar and deal with parking to run errands
- The change I would like to see:
- That I could not delay getting on my motorcycle (getting out the door in general)
- I wish I could just make a decision and move forward instead of thinking of all the reasons to not do it
