Life has sped up and I'm taking measures to not get overwhelmed. I canceled my evening plans this week so I can rest and get to bed early. This week is all about food and water management along with resting for my half marathon on Saturday.

The weather forecast right now is not that great but I'm hoping things will change and the front moves in earlier than predicting.

I'm getting excited and my sleep tracker is certainly showing it. Hard to sleep through the night because of pre-race jitters.

I keep forgetting I have an interview on Monday. Like most interviews, I keep having thoughts of maybe I shouldn't go through with the interview. Do I really want to move to Indiana?

Maybe that's why these baby urges have surged. Having a 'home' near family is ideal for having kids. I had been imagining life in Indiana and each picture involved a family. Of course there is no reason I can't have that here.

Slow motion

Idle hands

nothing engaging

hungry

hungry for more

unsure how to get more

Met Woodside guy today. He's smart and funny. He said I am stunningly beautiful. I really blushed at that compliment.

I bought him a Kara's cupcake and we said we'd remain in contact (he's moving to Dallas next week).

Today, plans were to ride motorcycle down to Santa Cruz with a friend. This friend is particularly talkative and I just wasn't in the talkative mood so I didn't offer the use of communicators. I led on the way down and took my time, stopping for pretty views and coffee. We ended up taking 2.5 hours to get down there.

Though, I've been to Santa Cruz on a number of occasions, I had never been on the boardwalk so that's where I went to (since I was leading). We walked up and down the length including the warf. I have so many ideas for when I go back again. Maybe in July.

I passed the 7500 mark on my motorcycle so I could register it in CA now and/or sell it to someone in CA. I am going to see if my sister wants it first. On the way back my neck was killing me because of the speed and headwind - my bike doesn't have a windshield.

New gloves are in order too. Chilly through Pacifica and Half Moon Bay along the coast this morning and on the way back. Stopped at the beach by HMB golf course to change out summer gloves for winter and add a layer.

Received a number of comments on my shirt today.

I have an interview with a company in Indy that would give me a job title of "web content developer" which would put me on the path to becoming a web developer - my dream job. I need to be prepared if they offer me the job. What amount of money would be worth living in Indiana....

I'm going to talk to someone who now lives in CA about their experience living in Indy.

I talked to my therapist today and after talking through my situation she left me with something important. I'm not desperate (desperate times call for desperate measures). Again, I'm not desperate. I'm not loosing money with my current position and the salary bump helps me take those trips I want to take - long weekend to Hawaii!

I will broaden my job search to include smaller companies (maybe even non-profits) for titles of web developer.

My main goals at present:
Get web developer title (and advance skills on the job)
Live in SF
Make same or more money than I am now

Future goals:
Continue web developer title (and advance skills on the job)
Live in SF
Make six figures or more

I was considering putting job search on hold after meeting with another department at my company for an open position that may pay more (I'm still looking into if this would apply to me/my salary). But in talking with him it sounded like that my position would not be backfilled. My current position is more valuable to the company's revenue and livelihood than the new role I would move into. So I felt shame of thinking of my own selfish reasons to gain skill and money but watch my department which I've built to be so great be destroyed. That lead me to think about what would happen if I left for another company... my position would take awhile to backfill and they would certainly miss two very high profile project's deadlines. Guilt.

Sad that I was ok with just leaving to benefit myself if I didn't have to witness the aftermath of my leaving, but humbling at the same time and gave me a renewed sense of pride in the work I've accomplished for this company.

I am considering putting job search on hold until the major projects at work are complete (nov 2013).

The Woodside guy has peetered out on the texting. A little disappointing. We are going to meet up on Thursday. It seems difficult to find a time to meet up with him. Also unfortunate.

I'm not finding the joy in running anymore. Even though its light out early and warmer, I still would rather sleep than go out for a run. I used to run because I wanted to find out if today was the day I'd start hurting again from injuries. Now I don't have that to wonder about.

...but it may be depression.

In need of some Om. Or maybe what I'm feeling is some Ohm - the SI unit of electrical resistance, defined to be the electrical resistance between two points of a conductor when a constant potential difference applied between these points produces in this conductor a current of one ampere. The resistance in ohms is numerically equal to the magnitude of the potential difference. Symbol: Ω

Brain is not sharp. Living in a fog. Slow.

Body is following the brain's lead. Falls asleep with no effort.

Tough to be so active and a chore to force myself to sit and rest.

An all day on the bed watching TV is in order soon.

Something to get me out of this funk.

Thought it was hormones, but that's passed. Thought it was a bad nights sleep, but 9 good hours the past three nights makes that null and void.

Must be life. Bored at work. Excitement from half and my birthday has worn off.

Ying and Yang - the highs and now the lows.

My roller coaster.